Instead of playing my first ever Google Hangout concert last Sunday, I spent the day on the couch with a migraine. Hours and hours of preparing for it, and then hours of agony and in the end falling asleep sitting up because I can’t lie down with a migraine as it makes me too nauseous.
And why all that? Because in the last months I’ve worked too much. Yes, I’m known to be a workaholic, but this has got to stop. Yesterday I was still so exhausted, I dozed for most of the day and fell asleep at 9 pm. Today I’m struggling to get anything done. Too many thoughts going round in my head, questions, but no answers.
I will do the Google Hangout concert next Sunday, on November 25 at 8 pm. Other than that I will take the next one and half or even two months to do other work that needs to be done. The plan is to only work 40 hours per week and use the evenings and weekends however I please. Hang out, meet friends, spent time with my boyfriend and kitten or do nothing at all and try not to feel guilty about it. If I feel like playing Rhodes or mbira etc. I will, if a song comes out of it, great. But I won’t be forcing it.
I make music because it’s something that I love and enjoy and the music seems to come out by itself and if I try to stop it I get miserable. At the same time, working so much has taken all the fun out of it. Recently I’ve been thinking what it’s all for. Am I not just going round in circles? I haven’t come up with any answers, but I know that things have got to change. I can’t keep working so much, giving myself migraines and making myself sick in the process. That’s no way to live. I also know that I can’t live without making music. And that I need to earn a living and music doesn’t ever seem to become the way to do that.
So for the next two months or so I just want to take each day as it comes. Do the work I need to do and try to get the fun back into my life. Everything else comes afterwards.
This is no goodbye, not even a temporary one. This is not me saying I will stop making music, this is just me saying I need a timeout and time to think. I will still check in at Twitter and Facebook, there will still be a new video up on YouTube every two weeks, but only the odd vBlog for now. I have no idea where this will lead, other than that I need to make changes…