Happy New Year 2016 or The Patient Patient

By Madeleine 8 years ago4 Comments
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A very happy, healthy and creative new year to all of the few readers I probably have left on this blog. An update has been long overdue, but I’ve got a good reason why it’s taken me so long.

I’m sick and have been for quite some time. Already a year ago I felt very exhausted and unlike myself, but the doctors simply put it down to stress. Or hormones as with the migraines. I took a week off in February and flew to Lanzarote and hated every minute of it.  Very little energy, feeling kind of depressed, brain fog, regular migraines and a business (Sonic Bloom) to keep running on my own.

I’ve been struggling to finish my next album. I just couldn’t tell anymore what the first seven songs still needed to be done. I felt like in Groundhog Day for months. They might be finished apart from one of them where the mix is a mess. No idea what I’ve done there. Ironically, this song is called Live & Learn.

Then a Facebook friend of mine offered the flat in Mauritius, his wife and he live in, for a bargain for three months. Still thinking I just needed time off from the stress I jumped at the chance and moved to Mauritius in late August. With my mobile studio and the intent of finishing the remaining songs and my new live performance set. A week after my arrival, my health took a complete nose dive, and the doctors there weren’t any more helpful. Every joint in my body hurt like hell, I felt like I was 90, amongst other things. Yet, they sent me home with a clean bill of health, lots of painkillers as well as anti-inflammatory drugs that can give you stomach bleeds.

Since then, I’ve been on a journey researching what is wrong with me. In between, my boyfriend came and we actually had a nice 12 day holiday, so I got to see Mauritius before flying home. We spent my birthday at the beach. I’ve been back home in Berlin for a month now and it’s very hard to get appointments with doctors. I already made the first few from Mauritius, just to be told that things like drawing blood was only possible 6 weeks later. What an abysmal state the healthcare system is in now. Either you take matters into your own hands as well as pester doctors until you get some appointments and answers or you end up in hospital or even die, depending on the severity of your illness.

Anyway, I’ve been trying to  listen to my body, figuring out what I need. Researching for hours. What I know is that most likely I’d be diagnosed with some autoimmune disease and be told, that it’s chronic and here to stay. I won’t accept that and research shows that I don’t have to. I’m on a pretty strict diet, eating lots of raw veggies. No sugar, no dairy, no gluten. It helps, albeit slowly. Then again, after being on this diet for a few weeks I noticed that I’ve had a lot of the symptoms for a long time, but they crept in ever so slowly over the years. I noticed that because they slowly went away. So it’d be foolish to expect everything to be sorted within a few weeks or so. It’ll take time.

I’ve gotten big time into yoga again, doing it (almost) daily. And I’ve taken up jogging. I never liked it before, but this time I got myself some proper shoes and suddenly I love it. I used to have migraines every two weeks, so badly that I could only stay in bed for the next 24 hours or so. The last one I had was delayed, weak, I did yoga in the morning, stayed away from the computer screen and on my feet and it wasn’t bad at all. Everything has been getting better very slowly.

So please, bear with me, I will finish the next album and it’s gonna be totally worth it. I can promise as much. It’s gonna be quite the dark album though. I’ve been jokingly calling it my Homogenic, except it’s not about heartbreak, but a deteriorating world.

I will try to blog more often. Hopefully let you take part in the journey of finishing the last few songs and sharing some insights about the (almost) finished ones. But my health has to come first, so I won’t promise anything else.

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  • James says:

    Sorry to read about your health problems, Madeleine. Hope you have a healthy and musical 2016!

  • James Porter says:

    Hi, I am an Ableton teacher/musician that stumbled onto your site and found it very useful and rather nice in vibe, apart from your health problems obviously, I see you haven’t posted for a year, so I got a bit worried.
    Anyway I hope Christmas is good for you and that you are taking care and the year(s) ahead are good.

    • Madeleine says:

      Hi James, thank you. I’m still in recovery and have been concentrating on my health and Sonic Bloom (my Ableton site). I’m still here and next year is definitely going to be a better year than this one for me. With new music from me to boot. Merry Christmas to you, too!

  • ghg says:

    You are a brilliant, talented, and creative soul, and I applaud you for applying those strengths to your health journey. I’m in a similar situation and you’re inspiring on so many levels, and I love your music. Thanks.

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